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Jesse St. James

Rachel Berry

WHERE New York City, NY • Broadhurst Theater
Some kind of Into the Woods related shenanigans. WARNINGS None

The theater was bustling with excitement and last minute arrangements that needed to be made before curtain call. There were technical issues to correct, costumes that needed last minute adjustments, and an entire cast of actors that needed to prepare for showtime. While theater had the added benefit of repeat performances that could be adjusted as needed, the first show was often the one that drew in reporters and critics to review and critique. It tended to add an extra layer of urgency to making sure everything was as perfect as it could be. Then in the days and weeks that followed, everyone would settle into a well established and comfortable pattern.

For Rachel, the preshow chaos was something she was used to. What she really treasured though, was the quiet moments alone in her dressing room before a performance. It was a sacred time and as with every opening night, she treated it with care. She and Jesse were sharing a dressing room for the duration of the show, but he’d gone off a little bit ago to speak to the director. It gave her the time she needed to think, process, and imprint the moment and everything that had led up to it, into her mind.

When Jesse had been approached by a good friend and colleague, someone who had helped him with Jane Austen, about it being too long since Broadway had seen a run of the famous Sondheim musical: Into the Woods, he’d eagerly agreed. Though he’d always been a fan of Jack, he’d readily accepted the role of the Baker, under one stipulation; Rachel would be cast as his wife. Her credibility, having won a Tony the previous year made her desirable, and she was more than willing to take on such a challenging and well loved role. It had been awhile since she and Jesse had been on stage together and they always worked off the other flawlessly, making them perfect for any romantic lead.

She was excited to work off her husband again, and the show came at a much needed time. The last year had been spent mostly fulfilling the role of a dutiful surrogate to two of her best friends as well as recovering from the pregnancy. For the most part she was grateful for the opportunity, but it had not come without its challenges. For one, Rachel had not expected how attached she could grow to a life that was not in any way her own. By Jesse’s encouragement and well thought out arguments, she’d agreed it was best that they use a donor egg. Despite that, after the baby was born, her body had been flooded by hormones that only knew it was supposed to be caring for a child. It had left her with an ache she couldn’t understand and emotions that had been difficult to navigate.

Despite all the joy in her life, and how happy she was for Kurt and Blaine, it had been a struggle. Not even the reassurance that they could try for a child of their own soon had been enough to soothe the ache of what her body saw as a loss. It had felt raw every time the baby would seek to nurse or calm only to Jesse’s singing. It made a certain amount of sense. She and her husband had handled all the highs and lows of her pregnancy and its more intimate details together. When she was uncomfortable and the baby was keeping her awake, Jesse would sing to her stomach. It was no wonder by the time she was ready to pop, he was raring for her to carry theirs.

Between hormones and the perceived physical loss, her role in the baby’s life and her best friends lives had been complicated. Not unpleasant, just complicated. A month-long vacation in a small villa in Europe with just her husband had proven to give her the distance she needed to recover. By the time she returned the breast milk had finally dried up, her figure was returning and she was eager to get back to her work while her body fully recovered and she and Jesse could start trying for their own.

The whole situation allowed her to bring an authenticity to the role of the Baker’s Wife that pre-show reviews had called alluring and believable”. Though perhaps ready to start her life as a real mother, the show and everything it entailed had proven to be everything she needed to move forward. It wasn’t always easy, but her hormones were under control, her sex life was back on track and things were really good.

Sitting in front of the mirror, she puts a couple more pins into the wig and smooths her hands over her head to make sure it’s completely in place. She glances over at the clock, and her heart skips a beat, not too long now. They’d been doing dress rehearsals for a week now, but there was nothing like performing in front of a live audience. Glancing at the photos on the vanity, an old picture from Glee Club, a favorite picture of she and Jesse, and pictures of both of them with their Tony awards, she feels a calm wash over her. She was really doing well, and with her hair and make up done, and her costume on, it was only a matter of waiting until showtime.

CODING

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Once Jesse had finished getting himself hydrated again and had discussed a handful of notes with the director, he'd made his way back to their dressing room, sure he would have plenty to clean up before the next act. He was used to having to get himself prettied up all over again, given the way his hair would stick to his forehead and the sweat would drip down his face. Thankfully stage makeup was some of the most resilient things in the world and he was keeping his hair shorter than it had been when he was a teenager. It made for a little more ease when it came to making sure he didn't have to completely reapply his face between acts.

He arches a brow as he sees how flustered Rachel is, but gives a nod at her request for help and closes the door behind him as he makes his way in. Going over to her, he goes to undo the back of her dress first, so he can get better access to the fake belly underneath.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd ask if I'd interrupted something with how out of breath you are," he says with a chuckle. He lets his fingers slide over her skin as he removes the straps and once it's loose enough for her to pull off, he rests his hands against her waist. "Something on your mind?"

Rachel is quick to pull off the belly and sets it on the table to the left of the mirror. She doesn't pay much more attention to it because she's enjoying having his hands on her skin. It provides her with a steadying feeling, and she takes another deep breath. She can see him in the mirror and she watches his face. She knows that look because it's one he gives her when he knows she's up to something. Smiling at him in the reflection, she gives a soft laugh. "Well, just don't look in the wardrobe, I've hidden my secret boyfriend there."

Of course, he'd find no men in the wardrobe, but it's always fun to tease him. When the joke subsides she leans back against him, wanting to be completely wrapped up in his arms. After another moment, she moves towards honesty. "You just caught me fantasizing. Pretending, I guess." There wasn't really any reason to hide it from him. He had really just caught her in a moment of surprise and she'd floundered because of that. Even if they both thought about starting a family, they didn't always talk about it and she wasn't always sure how to bring it up. The last thing she wanted was to get lost in the idea night after night.

The role tugged at her in a lot of ways and she had to pull herself out of her own headspace so that she could go on stage with a doll and pretend to be a mother. Rachel loved drawing from real life experiences to pull out the rawest emotions of her characters, but when it hit closer to home it could be hard to process it all.

"Fantasizing?" He pressed his lips against her neck as she leaned back into him, his hands moving from her waist down over her stomach. The motion is what makes him realize what she would have been picturing, and he lifts his head enough to look at her through her reflection as his touch stills against the muscles of her abdomen. It wasn't as though he hadn't felt his breath catch the first time he'd seen her in the fake belly, when he'd been reminded of what she looked like when pregnant and the knowledge of how badly he wanted to see her that way with their own child.

He smiles a little softly, before deciding to venture a guess. "About starting a family?" He lets his hands press a little more firmly against her stomach, leaning in to put another kiss against her throat. While they had avoided the topic mostly since her surrogacy, he had still felt that same way as he had the night of the Tony's. He couldn't wait to start to try for one of their own.

"I can't say as I blame you."

When he says the words out loud, she swallows the lump that's suddenly lodged in her throat and gives a small nod. She brings her hands to lay over his where they rest against her abdomen, only the fabric of her dress between them. "Yeah. I know it's probably ridiculous and it's a little embarrassing to admit that every time I put it on I feel...something." She didn't really know how to describe it, which was probably because it didn't come with only one emotion. Sometimes it hurt from all the wanting she'd done after Tracy was born and sometimes it made her feel hopeful for the future children that they would have.

With her waiting to get her body fully back together, so she'd be in good shape for a second pregnancy and the contracts of the play, it wasn't going to happen immediately. The belly however, and the trials of the Baker and his wife, were a constant reminder of everything she felt around having children.

She catches his eyes in the mirror and looks at him longingly. "Hey. Do you remember the first time little Tracy moved? It was in the middle of the night and I woke you up so you could feel it and she stopped. You waited and waited, and just when you were ready to roll over and go back to sleep she moved again? I remember you got more excited than I even expected you too and I just remember thinking about how much I loved you. How happy I was to share that moment with you, even though I felt a bit guilty because it wasn't really our moment. I still haven't told Kurt or Blaine that we felt her move for a month before I told them." She swallows again, her thumb smoothing over where his hand was. "I guess I can be a little selfish. She was never ours." The moment had been theirs though, sharing in the truth of what was happening within her body. While she had been glad to carry Kurt and Blaine's child and to see them have the child they desired and deserved, she hadn't always been immediately ready to share the changes her body was going through with them.

Her chest feels tight and she knows she doesn't have time to process it all out before the second act. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to drag it up." She'd been convinced it would be easier because it was someone else's egg and so she'd have no attachments to the child. She hadn't been prepared for the power of creating life, no matter how it came to be within her. "You probably have to touch up your make up, so don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Hey. Come on." He goes to pull his hands out from under her dress so that he can turn her around to face him, giving her a look that shows she should know better than to try and just brush things off with him. "We're supposed to be able to talk about anything, right? That includes the hard stuff, even if we've hashed it all out before." He reaches up to brush away some of the strands of her wig, not worrying about his own appearance just yet. He still has time.

"I don't think the body knows the difference between yours and not yours when it's growing a kid. It was hard sometimes for me to even remember that. We've got instincts. It doesn't make you selfish to keep those moments to yourself while you sort through the emotions of it." He would be the first to call her out on her flaws and so he hoped that she took his reassurance seriously because of it. "And I bet it'll be ten times more exciting when it is ours. When we can celebrate those things without any guilt attached to it all."

He leans in to press a kiss against her forehead, before pulling back to look down at her affectionately. "I think about it, too. When I see you with the belly on. It brings everything back and all those... I dunno, urges that I get to start a family with you. It's hard to not connect the two."

It was true that the body didn't have any way of differentiating between a biological child and one simply implanted. It went through all the same motions and required all the same things. It hadn't been Kurt or Blaine who had held her hair back while she was vomiting every morning or rubbed her back and feet every evening. He'd been so loving and caring and put in a lot of work for a child that wasn't his. She was sure that he'd be every bit as much so when it was theirs they'd made. Especially when it came to the fact that he'd have to have sex with her until she got pregnant, whereas they'd had to abstain while she'll was trying to conceive a child that wasn't theirs. The thought makes her smile, just as his words do.

"And this time you won't have to abstain." She voices that thought out loud as she closes the distance between them so that she can lay her head against his chest. Her arms wrap around him and she breathes him in deeply. Sure he's a little sweaty, but he smells of the deodorant she loves and slightly musky in a way that is completely him. It feels safe and comforting. His words go the rest of the distance to reassuring her that everything she's thinking and feeling is okay.

After a few long moments of taking him all in, she lets out a contented sigh as she pulls back just enough to look up at him. "I'd like that," she tells him tenderly, leaning up to press her lips to his. She did think it would be even more exciting if it was theirs, and she was ready emotionally to go there with him, even if she had to wait physically and financially a little bit longer.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, taking a step back but reaching to hold his hands. He still has to touch up his make up and she's certain their little moment is starting to eat into the time that will take. "Thank you, I feel better." Hopefully they wouldn't have to go through this every night, but she doubts it. Opening nights always brought up the most heightened emotions because they were just so full of everything that was going on.

She squeezes his hands before letting him go and moving to her side of the mirror. "But I am glad to know that seeing me like that every night gives you...urges," she teases playfully shifting the mood.

He lets out a small hum when she lays her head against his chest and quickly returned the kiss when she leans in for one. "In fact, I'm pretty sure the point is to do the exact opposite of abstain," he says with his usual tone of arrogance that was just a signature of his at this point. He leans in like he's tempted to start trying right then and there, his lips hovering over hers, before he lets out a small sigh and nods as she lets him go first. She's right to do so. He does need to get his makeup fixed.

Jesse goes to grab his makeup, carefully dabbing the sweat from his face before he starts to patch up the places that have smudged during the first act. He glances over at her out of the corner of his eyes, smirking slightly when she mentions his urges, and gives a snort.

"I think you know full well it doesn't take much from you at all to get urges out of me." He carefully blends the fresh concealer with the old and goes to add a bit of blush, before he pulls back, seemingly satisfied with it, before he goes to look for other patches. "You've always made it hard to keep my hands off of you."

She laughs, "and I am looking forward to your full involvement this time." She would have been lying if she'd said it hadn't been a little weird to get pregnant without any involvement from her husband, and actually required them to abstain. It filled her with a sense of contentment that she'd been able to pass on the gift of carrying a child for a couple like her dads who couldn't have kids of their own. However, she intended that any other children would be her own, it wasn't something she'd be able to do a second time.

As much as she'd enjoy the act of trying, there is no way he can give her the emotional attention she's needing, and they are running short on time even for a quickie. "I'm like a siren," she teases. "I sing and you are lured right to me." She begins to put a fresh layer of mascara on. It's not necessary needing, but it's something to do while he fixes himself up. "And believe me, if you are up for it, I'm perfectly willing to lure you in later tonight when we get home."

In the meantime, they only have about five minutes before they need to be back on stage.

He lets out a hum when she calls herself a siren, clearly in agreement with her on that one, but unable to say it right away as he's busy fixing the makeup near his mouth and doesn't want to mess it up. Once he's finished, he puts the caps back on his bottles, giving himself a solid once over, and a nod of approval. He turns to look at her, giving her a smirk.

"I don't know how you haven't had more men falling at your feet with a voice like yours," he says simply, before he leans in to press his lips a little firmly against her own. He pulls back after a moment, reaching up to fix a few stray hairs of her wig, unable to hide the love in his eyes as he stared at her.

He sighs when he starts to see the lights flicker, frowning slightly at the moment being interrupted. "We should probably get ready to get back on."

Their playful flirting makes her feel much more grounded and she's relieved she'd let herself open up to him rather than to bury it until later. The second act was always the tougher act and though she's sure she'll call on some of those emotions to properly play her role, she's glad for some lightness before it.

His comment about her voice and men falling all over themselves over it makes her laugh and she stays still as he fixes the wig hair. "Oh, I don't think my voice is the problem. I've had several propositions over the years, you should have seen my fan letters while I was playing Fanny. It's more the personality that sends them away, apparently I can be kind of bitch." Not that it was always a bad thing, she'd been able to chase off a couple of stalkers by be willing to give them the full Rachel Berry scolding.

She nods when he says they need to get back and she grabs a fresh water bottle of her own to set backstage. When they are both out the dressing room door, she slips her hand into his and makes her way down the steps in front of him. "If your stalker ever comes back, I am happy to do the same." She probably would even if he didn't want her too. "I'm told I can be very scary."

"Oh, you're absolutely terrifying," he says with a laugh to his tone, his hand gripping hers as they move towards the stage. It felt nice to joke and flirt while they waited for the intermission to end. It was one of the bonuses to getting to play off of his wife, he thinks. "Since I love your bitchy side, I certainly wouldn't be opposed. I find it to be a hell of a turn on." He gives her a wink, before he goes to take his place on the stage by their bakery, just before the music starts to swell again.

As the opening wishes went through, lamenting the things they still wanted that mostly came as consequences to their original wishes, Jesse can't help but resonate with the feelings behind it. It's a very human concept, of course, but he can feel his throat threatening to tighten when he sings, "I'm going to be a perfect father." He's never had a very easy time singing that line, even in rehearsals, able to relate too deeply to the Baker's fears of failing his own children due to never having a decent example, but yet again he manages to get through it, the emotion simply adding to the performance.

The music comes to an end and Rachel still comforts their baby as he tries to reassure her they will have room, only to be met with the option of moving. He waves his hand in dismissal of the very thought. "No. We will not move this was my father's house. And now it will be my son's." They continue to argue about the witch for a moment as she hands the baby over to him and Jesse holds him far from his body, cradling him like a glass sculpture he needs to find a place for rather than an infant.

"Oh, why does he always cry when I hold him?"

The audience laughs as Jesse acts like he'll break the baby, and Rachel tries to reassure him that he's just a baby and baby's cry, pressing that he doesn't need to hold like he's so fragile. In reality, she knew Jesse to be extremely good with children. He had a young niece that they'd taken care of due to he and his girlfriend's struggles with drug addiction issues. It wasn't a good situation, but he'd stepped in whenever it was needed all the way back to when she was still a new baby and clearly suffering from withdrawal. And she'd seen him so often with little Tracey, calming her down and rocking her, so it's pure acting when he pushes the baby into Rachel's arms and tells her that he needs his mother.

Rachel sighs, playing the role of exhausted wife and mother as she begins to rock the baby while Jesse reassures her that he'll take care of him when he's older. The prop of the doll was more realistic than it had been back in the original Broadway performance, better weighted to hold and just as the audio calms down the fake cry, Rachel slows the rocking. She takes a seat in the prop chair looking content as she sings sweetly to the newborn, "We had to go through thick and thin."

She looks up at Jesse with all the love in her eyes as the entire cast sings in unison of their happiness, trailing off as the sounds of cracking and crashing break out around them and set pieces fall in a well rehearsed way. She lets herself fall from the chair, pulling the child against her and holding him protectively until the noise and set settle down. The baby starts to cry again and she looks frantically up at Jesse, before telling him that they are both alright.

Edited 2021-06-03 02:17 (UTC)

Jesse falls to the floor with everyone else, though on the opposite side of the house so he's farther from Rachel and the baby than he'd imagines any father would ever want to be. He scrambles to his feet, going over to them as she reassures him they're fine, gripping her arms firmly as he helps her to her feet and tries to shield her from the wreckage their home has become. He opens his mouth to ask another question when the Witch enters instead, and Jesse waits for the applause to quiet quickly before be tenses his shoulders and storms over to her accusingly.

"You! Have you done this to our house?"

The Witch gestures to her own garden which is destroyed and the three begin to ponder over what could have happened, listing mythical creatures that could have destroyed the place like dragons and griffins, before Jesse finally offers, "Giant?" and the Witch goes still before agreeing. A Giant. Rachel proclaims they have to tell someone and Jesse has to bite down on his cheek to keep a straight face as the Witch looks around in confusion.

"Who're you gonna tell?"

The audience roars with laughter before Jesse is able to shout, "The Royal Family, of course!" The Witch goes on a rant about the uselessness of the family and how giants are too hard to fight anyway. She crushes the bug under her foot before pulling it off, eating it, and leaving. They stand in silence for a good moment, before Rachel turns to him.

"We are moving."

It takes his all to not laugh with the audience, but he shakes his head, going to grab his scarf and hat so he can make his way to the castle. He stops by Jack's house to check on the family and ask for any aid. Jack's Mother reasonably refuses despite his begging and eventually he leaves for the castle once more. He is presented to Cinderella and while the stewards repeatedly try to remove him, he manages to get the Princess's attention as he finally gets on his knees in front of her, clinging to his hat tightly.

"We have a young child! Princess, please... Our child was very difficult to come by. And his safety is of great importance to me." He can feel the tears burning in his eyes and knows it is coming through in his voice and on his face. When the steward asks if he's done, he hesitates for only a moment, before nodding and pulling himself to his feet. There's a glimmer of hope as the Princess promises to tell the Prince when he returns, and his voice is full of emotion when he responds. "Thank you."

He goes to walk back towards the bakery as the other scenes unfold their own stories.

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